Confession: I don’t treat my kids fairly

I’m not kidding! From a young age, I’ve taught my children to not expect equal treatment at any given moment. I would intentionally go out of my way to get a small gift for one and not the other when I would come home at the end of the day. It might be the boy this time… or it might be the girl. It was an exercise I would practice in order to avoid unhealthy behavior in the future. I suppose I could have just shown them this image and avoided the potential scars just in case my plan backfired:

fair

The result? My children have learned to rejoice when good things happen to the other ones. It’s given me the freedom as a parent to plan a trip with my son for his birthday without my other children wondering things like, “Does daddy love me as much?” I get to take my daughter rollerskating this weekend without my son sulking in the corner. They know that I love them all equally and are able to lean into that truth without insecurity. They’ll never receive a gift or privilege and have to assume, “He only gave me this because he HAD to be fair.” Also, guess what happens the one time you literally aren’t ABLE to be fair. My children are content in my love and I couldn’t be prouder.

TL;DR – Don’t let your children associate LOVE with FAIRNESS. Love will be cheapened and fairness will eventually fail.

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8 responses to “Confession: I don’t treat my kids fairly

  • Chris

    Cool idea and a very important lesson to teach you kids. Nice post TK.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Will Whitt

    If love is applied to your kids, it should be because you have it to give and you want to, not because you feel like you have to. Then it becomes a function of necessity, almost to the similarity of a chore on your part. Loving your kids should be a desire because you know exactly how you wanted to be loved as a child. The world will not be fair to them, but you are not supposed to be of this world. It is your job as a parent to prepare them yes, but be all that the world can’t be to them: unconditional in love, encouragement, and motivation for all future successes and failures.

    Like

  • Emily-Jane

    Great idea! I fear it may be too late for mine. I have developed a bad habit of getting two of everything because I can’t be added with the tantrums!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tking41

      I’ve always wondered if there’s a point of no return, haha. I dunno? Maybe not? I mean, trying something new will always cause turbulence up front but pays off if it sticks. I started off by telling both of my kids at the same time, *THIS* is what we’re doing… If I got something for one the first day, I’d make sure to follow up within a day or two with something for the other… nothing big, but just to let them know that it *sometimes* works in their favor as well. THEN I’d get a little daring… I’d bring something home for one in two consecutive offerings. Let one child help you PICK the gift… it makes them “in on it” and can be so fulfilling for them when they realize you and the other go through the same process when thinking of them!

      Liked by 1 person

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